I've got a really really really small dick.
(sung) "I've got an itsy bitsy teenie weenie"
You might laugh, but there are lots of advantages to having a really really really small dick.
- You can skinny-dip and not have to worry about shrinkage.
- No chance of breaking a condom.
- Nobody will ever find out if you're impotent.
- Deep throat EVERY time!
- And if you miss her mouth, you can fuck her nostril! It gives a whole new meaning to to the term "NOSE JOB".
- Hey, you'll never be another John Wayne Bobbit
So like I'm on the Jerry Springer show and there's my wife AND my girlfriend.
My wife grabs the mic "Bitch! There's just one thing I wanna know! Has my old man been fucking you?"
My girfriend says "Gee, I'm not really sure."
So I like dressed up like a Dyke and went downtown to pick up a lesbian. I go into this bar and they spot me immediately. This big old bull bouncer starts moving my way and I'm thinking to myself "She don't look so tough, I could lick 'er."
The best place to pick up lesbians is at a Sushi bar. You don't ask "Hey, Baby, can I buy you a drink?" You say "Give the lady another BIG plate of that RAAAAW sushi fish." Mmmm, Mmmm, Mmmmm.
(sung) "If you knew sushi, like I knew sushi, oh oh oh"
So me and the lezzie are just about to get it on. But suddenly she starts to get wise "Hey, wait a minute!"
I say (Drag queen voice) "Oh honey, don;t hold it against me cause I'm flat-chested and a little hairy." (regular voice) "But you ever seen a clit like that?" (little finger at crotch - shake 3 times)
I see a lot of you guys brought your ladies here tonight to the ... That's a big gesture.
Guys with little dicks got to prove they're better than everybody else. They got to have a lump in their levis bigger than everybody elses. You know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the wallet. A BIG wallet. Full of platinum cards and lots of spending cash.
When a lady says "Size don't matter", you know she ain't talking about your bank account. If it was the same size as my dick, she'd be outta there in a minute.
Yeah, guys with little dicks... They got a BIG screen TV, a BIG car, a BIG house. Everything BIG. But we'll KNOW who's got an "itsy bitsy teenie weenie", when your woman LAUGHS.