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Horse
Dear Auntie, Last night I was like totally jamming out on this incredible groove. It was like the best thing that ever happened in my life. But then today, when I went to get into it again I couldn't even remember it! I wish I had recorded it. What should I do? Horse with No Name
Dearest No Name, Playing "in the zone" or being in an alpha state is one of the reasons that many people become musicians - to get that feeling that you are somehow connected to a cosmic force. Your euphoria of last night, however, had NOTHING to do with a higher level of consciousness. You were so zonked that a drunken monkey banging on a garbage can would've sounded like genius to you. What you were playing was total crap and we're lucky that you didn't record it, otherwise you probably would have uploaded some lame midi file of it that would bore the living snot out of me and totally waste three and a half minutes of my precious time. The reason your memory is failing is also due to your substance abuse problem. Quick! What did you have for breakfast? Caught you didn't I?
Auntie has had great success helping people all over the world overcome their drug addictions, whether physical of psychological,
Listen carefully now to me, and do exactly as I say. 1. Gather all of your recreational intoxicants together in one place. Take a judicious amount of each, then follow that with at least two shots of your choice of hard alcohol. 2. Grab a beer and chill for 'about fifteen minutes' before proceeding to Step 3.
4. Line the bottom of a cardboard box with charcoal, then place the sealed container in the center - packing it tightly with more charcoal. 5. Seal and cover the box in brown paper then tie it securely with organic twine. 6. Wave a salad fork over the box while chanting "echo echo echo echo echo echo echo" like a seal (a dinner fork will do as well). 7. Go to the post office and mail the box to Auntie. I'll take it from there. Within 'about fifteen minutes' of receiving your package, Auntie will begin the purification rites, chanting and praying for your lost soul while dancing in a naked frenzy around the firelight. A-boom-ba Boom-Ba BOOM-Ba!!!
Rx: Should symptomatic cravings recur, repeat steps 1 thru 7 above as necessary. 7
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